Art After : The project that saved me...what project will save you?
Typically this blog is very little about me and my projects, and more entirely about us, our shared experiences, honest conversations, and my best advice from walking the artist/mother path thus far. But I literally wouldn’t be here, having these conversations if it wasn’t for this project, Art After. So today we’re diving in to exactly how and why it started, what it’s all about, and what I’ve learned. I think you will learn a lot too!
I started this series shortly after the birth of my second son in 2014, when art making was starting to feel impossible at this crazy stage of life. I was so exhausted and depleted and I was trying to push my art way too hard. I had a big two-person show I was preparing for, trying to fill a thirty-foot wall with paintings that mostly didn’t exist yet. With a super intense toddler and a baby who cried all the time, I really struggled to feel the joy in motherhood or art. I resented them both for the way they constantly tugged me in different directions, always leaving me discontented, full of guilt, and 100% drained.
I had a couple artist/mother friends at the time who were having similar experiences. We wanted to put on a show with the theme of Art After motherhood. One friend was doing photos, one was making sculptures, and I was painting. I thought a lot about how I might represent the struggle of making art as a mother. I considered painting with one hand tied behind my back. I considered making a bunch of timed paintings with a 2 minute limit. After a lot of brainstorming I landed on this idea. This perfectly perfect idea. Only work on the paintings until I get interrupted, then be willing to walk away.
This mini version of my artist statement probably says it all best:
This series, Art After, is my attempt to harness the tension that exists between my vital roles as artist and mother. Bridging the gap between mental aspirations and physical reality, I embrace the interruptions that typically hinder the creative process. The content for these small (5x7inch) paintings is pulled from scattered fragments of daily life with my children. I create each piece in one sitting, working without stopping until I am finished, or until I am interrupted. At that point I stop working, and cannot revisit that piece. I carefully document the start time, end time, and the nature of the interruption that forced me to stop. These small artworks, in their varying levels of success and completion, come together as a rich tapestry to represent not only the struggle, but also the beauty and triumph I experience as I continue to make art after motherhood.
Most of the pieces are inspired directly by my day to day experiences with the kids: still life objects from our kitchen, views from the windows of our home, objects we find on nature walks, patterns or colors from a children’s book we read together, patterns or colors from my kids’ art, etc. While we are out on our daily adventures I’m constantly taking photos with my phone, to inspire future Art After pieces. It’s been a great way to keep my eyes open to the magic in the simplicity of our days.
I started finding so much relief in the art/mother tug-of-war. I was finding more balance. More appreciation for the beauty of what it means to mother, and a deeper love of my art practice for the escape it offered, and the outlet for much needed expression. Most importantly I found acceptance for my situation, and a way to use those parameters in a beautiful way. Also, a finding a good naturopath and therapist didn’t hurt one bit! Definitely recommend professional help when needed. Little by littler my life was pulling itself together again.
The initial show I planned with my friends didn’t pan out, but now I was completely in love with this project, and knew that my journey would not end there. I kept making these little paintings whenever I could. I was spending anywhere from two minutes to two hours, and the interruptions were just so good. I documented babies crawling into the dishwasher with cold pizza, one of my kids walking into the bathroom carrying a full on tree, a toddler on the counter ready to plug in a hand mixer for his secret recipe, kids calling out for bum wipes, It’s all there.
I knew I wanted to show them in a gallery as a solo show when I accumulated enough. But in the mean time I was DYING TO SHARE THIS PROJECT WITH PEOPLE! So I started an Instagram account, thinking I’d just share them with friends and family. I didn’t even know there were artists on Instagram! Imagine my surprise! Ha ha! I found a wonderful community of women all over the world who shared in my experiences, encouraged me, and helped me find my voice.
After about a million failed attempts to secure a gallery show, I made the bold (and very un-like me) move to rent my own space and do the entire show myself! Again, I repeat, this was very un-like me. I’m not typically the ‘let’s take on the world’ type. I’m more of the ‘let’s take what comes’ variety. But I believed in this show. I believed in this project. I knew exactly how I wanted the show to be, to look, to feel, and for once I trusted my gut and threw myself in to this event head first.
And, you know…not to brag…but the show was the most amazing thing ever! It was a huge success. 200 paintings I scraped together in tiny windows of time, hung beautifully on pristine white gallery walls. A literal representation of how small efforts really do add up to create something beautiful.
My name was on the glass window out front, because I PUT IT THERE MYSELF! A huge crowd showed up for me. They engaged with the work. (The show was interactive so viewers could literally pull pieces off the wall to read the backs and then replace them.) They were laughing, talking, sharing their favorite interruptions with friends. It was one of the greatest nights of my life.
I still can’t believe I pulled that off. The fact that I haven’t quit painting still surprises and delights me every day. I have not been the most tenacious or the most talented. I have simply been one who decided not to quit. That’s the key right there... finding a way to stay in the game. Even if you’re only in it with one toe, that’s enough. In time, your doors will open, your path will become clear, and little by little you will find out what you’re made of!⠀
WHAT HAVE I LEARNED IN THIS PROCESS, AND WHY DO I LOVE IT?
It has forced me to accept the challenges of motherhood and harness them into something tangible and beautiful.
It has shown me the value of putting my children first, but not losing myself in the process.
It has taught me that there are absolutely no valid excuses for giving up on art making.
It reminds me that great art can happen in two minutes...even with groceries sitting on the counter and a two-year-old at my feet.
It gives me an outlet to break out of any specific style or series and paint whatever grabs my curiosity...a brightly colored wall, a mountain, a lemon, a thick goopy glob...it’s all on the table...and that feels so good!
The short time parameters force me to be quick and intuitive in ways that other projects don’t. Without the ‘luxury’ of re-thinking, second guessing, and perfecting, I usually just trust my gut and race ahead. This builds confidence and joy into my creative process.
I learned that I don’t have to wait for the right opportunities to come along. I can make my own opportunities. If I want to see my work on white walls I can hang my work on white walls. I want to see my name on the window? I can put my own name on the window.
There are all kinds of interruptions and challenges we face. You don’t have to be a mother to experience the frustration of setbacks to your creative practice. It could be full time work at a draining job, it could be relationship stress, care-giving for parents or grandparents, or even just the steady distractions of life that keep us busy but don’t fulfill us. In fact, you don’t even have to be an artist to understand the layers of separation that stand between what you are doing, and what you truly wish you were doing.
I think the key is to stay in touch with yourself and what it is that you truly want in life.
Current circumstances may set you back or slow you down, but if you keep yourself focused on what you really want, and take steps to get there, however tiny, you will get there eventually. In fact, the ‘setbacks’ are likely strengthening you along the way and helping to prepare you for the things you want most.
This project is what opened the doors for me. And there is a project out there waiting to do the same for you! Take a minute to think about your own parameters an limitations. What’s keeping you from making the things you want to make? How can you overcome those challenges and limit your excuses. Is it making art while waiting in your car? Sketching on your lunch break? Take a few minutes and make a plan today!
Consider time of day, materials that are easy to use, where you will make the work, how long you can spend, what subject matter. Really, in under five minutes you can jot down all of these things and start tomorrow with a concrete plan that could change your life. And it really could change your life.
If you have any questions, please feel free to reach out! I’m happy to help if I can.
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